Question

One of the questions I've most frequently been asked since having slipped into young adulthood, right after the typical what-are-you-doing-with-your-life and do-you-have-a-man-yet, is surprisingly,

Do you drink?

For some reason, this is one of the most awkwardly phrased questions in existence. It's not so much the words themselves, but their arrangement, their obvious big, blunt existence. The speaker, instead of taking his/her cue from the boldness of the question, ends up almost whispering it while glancing sideways for approval, or any kind of reaction. Almost like you'd expect someone to look when they ask you if you're still a virgin. Or they force the question out with some tough facade, like that kid you used to know who would shout out threats from the other end of the playground for no good reason, like they had something to prove.

Part of me wonders, if it's no big deal, if we're just talking about drinking, why all the dancing around and studiously avoided eye contact? C'mon, we're legal here, it's not like it's some huge crime or anything.

Plus, for some reason, it always makes a little part of my soul tired and sad. I don't know why...maybe the deeper insides of me know something I don't, and crippled men acknowledging that they're crippled to each other does nothing to save the world.

So I've started listening when they ask, and have come up with an alternative list of questions that could possibly be trying to elbow their way through the cracks of this one. Keep in mind that I know that most times people just want to know if you like to drink; I just like taking any given opportunity to pry further into things that may or may not even exist. So. The posed question: "Do you drink?" The real question:


1. Are you a party-type of girl that is up for anything? (Usually if you say yes and this is the real question, more candid conversations about stupid stuff involved with parties ensue.)

2.Can I get you drunk and make out with you? (Followed by an offer to take you to a bar someplace.)

3.Do you think I'm a bad person for drinking?

4.Are you happy enough with yourself not to need to drink?

5.Are you a fun person,? Because you seem so quiet. (Most often at new places before you know the people well enough to be comfortable.)

6.Hey I'm a Christian, you're a Christian, are you gonna judge me here?

And who knows, people are always trying to tell you things between the lines, just like we always read between the lines of what other people say. A lot of times these two readings don't match up. And yes, drinking is the avenue a lot of people use to get comfortable with one another if they don't know how to start talking. I understand that. But it's curious to me all the same that a lot of times such an innocent question is treated like a loaded gun.

So yeah, I guess to answer, I like to drink. Not a lot, not most of the time, but when it's there I enjoy it as I like to think it was meant to be enjoyed. Put that in your glass and take a sip...cheers.